social context

To make friends you need what? Well, you definitely need to adher to the current social context. Boring? And what does adhering to blabla even mean? Might sound boring, but - if you do have some empathy - do you want to waste somebody's evening with putting on a show, or seriously weird people out, by doing things that does not fit into the context of the situation...? No you don't. You might if you are kind of emotionally deranged, but let's not be.

So, to make friends... do you need to put on a show? Nah. By the way, I think it's important to position yourself in healthy social contexts. Meaning what? Meaning the context is one where people are healthy themselves - physically, which consequentially leads you emotional fitness; no need to go into why, but it does and I think you know it does - where the people are content with who they are and, rather than living in some fucked up context where they thrive, and due to some perversion actually appreciate, being sarcastic and mean to each other.

You know the social context the moment you step into a room... you can feel it. You feel it in the air, literally. You know this right? Sometimes you just want to get out of the room, just from being at the same place with that person - and when the person starts talking you want to run. This is not fun - and it isn't for that person either to be spreading these vibes; it's definitely not how to make friends, and this person knows that all too well, which only makes the vibes he or she spreads even worse; bad, bad circle. This is definitely not the type of emotional environment in which you would want to make friends, is it.

But sometimes... you love being in the same room with someone. It can be someone that exudes living-up-to the things you value most. You can tell from someone's body language if they are honest or not. I have met people who gave me more in minutes, just from providing vicinity, than others have in years. Of course, and I realize that, this probably comes a lot from my humanity - meaning I got stuck at my first impression of the person, my beliefs triggered things that led me to believe is the source of all evil, and let that shit spiral. But still.

What can we learn from this? We can learn that placing yourself in the for you suitable social context is super important. This means that, if you value honesty super highly - which I do - then getting into a social context where it is highly valued will be optimal. How do you know if the context is one of honesty? Read the body language to see. Simple? Yes. Powerful? Yes.

How do you read body language? If you are a nerd - this is not a diss at all, I'm myself a nerd; there is a reason for me making this distinction - then you need to drop the logical/goal-based/on-off thinking for a while. Reading body language is about sensations, sense percetipns, which means that you have to be emotionally open. You have to actually be expressive to read body language. When you are expressive, meaning emotionally open and nuanced, as a consequence your communication channels are open for you to receieve input in the form of sensations. This sounds complicated, but that's due to 1. my limitations as a writer, maybe 2. because it's hard to put in words something so abstract; if it is abstract - it's *something*.

Anyway... The less thinking that is going on, when reading body language, the better it is - as there are fewer things blocking you from forming sense perceptions; meaning your ability to read the real communication that the person is exercising is improved - and in the end your ability to make friends is definitely improved.

So, will you be able to make friends if you do these things? Sure. This isn't the be all and end all of making friends, and it is ABSOLUTELY not all that you have to do in order to enjoy people - but it sure as hell is a great foundation to have. If you are like me, you have probably had friends that didn't exactly brighten your every day? It's sad but it's also true. What do you do with these people? Do you hang around them "because they are your friends"? To the benefit of who? They know you don't really want to hang out with them, and their days are not exactly brightened by that, either. So... empathy.

You do have to leave them, and they do have to leave you. There is a reason that things are as they are, and that could very well be your values. Maybe you became friends in your childhood, where you fit each other with the values that you had though, but now you have grown apart and need to move on to meet other people. And this is where positioning yourself in the right social contexts comes in. I hope you got anything out of this text, and that it can help you benefit socially!

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